So long 2014

I don't know about you, but 2014 has been a doozie for me. I traveled between Atlanta and St. Louis, only to find myself moving back to St. Louis. I'm not upset about moving back home. In fact, I'm glad I'm home. My mom got really sick for a while, and I'm glad I was here when the ordeal happened. This is my blog about my life, so just know that she's doing much better now.

I also found myself saying goodbye to two really close people in my life: an ex-boyfriend and a person I've known since 1st grade. Let's start with the ex.

We've been exes longer than we were together. We were together for over a year, until he confessed he cheated on me and got someone pregnant. I was heartbroken then. About two years after, we ended up rekindling our friendship. That relationship lasted almost twenty years. Unfortunately, he reminded me of why we weren't in a relationship. He lied and did everything to avoid me. I completely disconnected myself from him, through social media and every other aspect. I would say that I miss his friendship, but I'd by lying. LOL

The other friendship had to end, and I had to end it. She kept assuming that I was interested in her husband.  She also showed her true foulness during a session we had. She started talking to me, asking how I was and talking about how I don't talk to her. (I just came back from Atlanta this time.) I told her I've been busy with work and church. While having this convo, she texted her husband asking why I'm acting funny with her. How do I know this, you ask??? I know because I received a text stating, "Whatever you're doing, stop. She's asking why you're funny acting," along with the screenshot. REALLY????? You think I want your husband, but I'm the funny acting one??? I would've talked to her about it, but this wasn't the first time I've had to go through this with her. I love her, but I can't deal with the foolishness. I'd rather say goodbye than put on a fake smile. I've never been fake, and I'm too old to start that craziness.

As 2014 draws to a close, I'm saying goodbye. Goodbye to failed friendships, goodbye to illness, goodbye to bad health, and goodbye to bad environments. As I say hello to 2015, I'm saying hello to new opportunities, hello to a new career, and hello to new friendships and relationships (hopefully). I'm staring a new job, continuing my education, and enjoying the skin I'm in. I can't wait to see what God has in store for the new year.

Be blessed. 

Last Girl Standing Pt. 2

So... it's been a year to the month since I've blogged. A lot has happened since the end of 2013. I traveled back and forth between St. Louis and Atlanta until the close of this year, when I moved back to St. Louis. It wasn't really by choice, but I don't regret the decisions made thus far.

Let's get down to the reason why I'm blogging, shall we?

I'm considering leaving the world of Gospel music. Yep, you read it right. I've been a part of the community since 2000. I've had ups and downs throughout my gospel singing 'career'. I can say I've had more up moments though. I've traveled to Italy for a 21-day tour that included singing at The Vatican for the late Pope John Paul II, behind Lionel Richie, Chuckii Booker, and the legendary Dionne Warwick alongside Jonathan Nelson and Purpose. That all happened thanks to Oscar. I've also sung behind phenoms like Karen Clark-Sheard, Hezekiah Walker and others. I've provided background work on numerous albums for Oscar, True Spirit, and other people. I did great work, and I did favors for friends (in other words, I sang for free). I've even helped turn crappy projects into great ones. (Some of them have been sold nationwide.)

I love Gospel music, but I'm losing the passion that I had when I started. I was young, excited about what was happening in churches other than the United Methodist Church. (My church is literally dying, but that's for another blog.) I was eager to learn from all these talented and anointed musicians and songwriters. I've networked with some of the best in the business, and I have phone numbers of wonderful forerunners of the gospel industry. If I don't have it, I know someone who does. All of that means absolutely nothing to me.

The gospel industry is not a money making avenue for me. I don't have an industry-driven voice or look. I've been told this numerous times, especially when it comes to my voice. It's strong enough for background work, but not solo worthy. Don't believe me? I have proof. I recently helped out a church with a Christmas program, and we ended up singing a song from a spring live recording. I had to back up someone as she sang the song that I did live vocals for. No foolin'. If anything, it showed me that I'll always be a great asset for background work. Then again, that may not be true. I flew somewhere to work on background vocals. We recorded for six straight days. To be honest, I don't think my vocals will be used for any of the projects; my voice wasn't really strong at that time.

I've grown tired of being used to make others look and sound good. A prominent Bishop once announced to his congregation that I'm one of the best background singers in the St. Louis area. Someone had to tell me what he said because I was busy giving an offering when he said it. I was humbled by the compliment, but at the same time I wondered if that was all I would become... a great background singer. Is that it? Is this all God wants for me and my voice? Am I good enough to lead one song, let alone an album?

Let me say this... I know what I can do, and what I can't do vocally. I have a range, and I can hold notes forever. I'm not a good runner, but I do what I can. It's amazing what I can do when I'm given freedom. At the same time, if you tell me not to do a lot, then I won't do a lot.

So what does this mean? Does it mean I'm going to stop singing altogether? Not really. I will be taking a break for a while... maybe a year. I'm considering leaving the groups and doing limited pop-ups at local church stuff. I'm never called to do any solo work, so laying low won't be too hard.

Be blessed.