JEHOVAH-RAPHA

Hey gang.  I have some great news to share with you guys.  I need to start from the beginning with this one though, so here it goes...

The year 2004 was a rough year for me.  I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovaries Syndrome (PCOS), and pre-cancerous cells were discovered as well.  The cells were removed, but I was in a deep depression.  I attempted to take my life by swallowing a handful of vicodin and darvocet.  I shouldn't be alive today!

Fast forward to August 2011.  I have been dealing with severe pain in my hip area as well.  I went to the doctor to let her know what was happening.  I had an ultrasound and blood work done.  The next Monday after running all of the tests, my doctor called me and told me that there were fibroids in my uterus.  When I asked her about the lump near my hip in the groin area, she stated that it wasn't gynecological, and I need to see my regular doctor about it.

I talked to my family and a few friends about what was going on.  I decided to go on with the procedure, which is known as a hysteroscopy and d & c (dilation and curettage).

The procedure took place last Monday at a local hospital here in STL.  My mom and aunt/namesake went with me.  I went in a little nervous because I knew they were gonna have to cut the fibroids out...  Before I went into the operating room, I prayed to God.  I told him, "Father, I'm taking you with me to this room, and I know everything will be alright because You'll be there."

The procedure was supposed to last about an hour and a half... it lasted for a half an hour.  The doctor came out of the operating room to talk to my mom.  The doctor told my mom and aunt, "Well, we went in to get the fibroids, but they weren't there..." and she showed them the pictures.  My mom asked, "What about the PCOS?"  The doctor said, "There aren't any cysts.  There are enlarged blood vessels on one of them; that's it."  Then Mama asked, "What about the lump that was in her groin?"  The doctor said, "Yeah, it's not there..."

You know I'm crying as I'm typing this right? lol  I have been dealing with this mess inside me for seven (7) years!!!  To know that this mess was removed, and there was no cutting involved... You should be running around right now!!!

Jehovah-Rapha is the God who heals.  Knowing that it wasn't the doctors who removed the mess... it wasn't MAN... IT WAS GOD!!!!  This just proves that there is a greater being who deserves our Praise and our Worship.  GOD IS REAL!

I'm letting you know about what God has done for me because it is important for you to know and understand what God can do for you.  God is a God who doesn't need our help; yet, He uses us as His vessels, His living testimonies to witness to the world that He does exist and He does heal, and He does provide.  Whatever it is you need from God,  ask Him!  It may not happen when you want it to happen.  BUT, it will happen when it needs to.

Be blessed guys.  I know I am.  :-)

When It Rains...

So... I'll be having a histeroscopy due to having fibroid tumors.  Along with that, I went to the ER today because I had back spasms... again.  Come to find out, I have arthritis in my back!  Am I surprised?  Not really.  I am disappointed though.  I've been trying to get the weight off by working out, and my back muscles are still weak!  

I gotta see my regular doctor tomorrow and possibly get an MRI.  We'll see what happens...

Until then, be blessed.

Prayers of the Righteous Pt. 2

Hey gang.  I pray that your day is going well, even through the rain.  I'm grateful to God to see another day.  I'm back at work after going back to the doctor's office.  As I stated in the earlier blog, I have PCOS (read the previous blog to catch up).  There have been some 'malfuntions' going on, so I went to the doc's office yesterday to find out what's up.  I ended up needing a biopsy, and I went back to get probed today. lol

My doctor ordered me to have an ultrasound.  I looked at her crazy; knowing nothing has been going on, I knew I wasn't pregnant. lol  With the ultrasound, she would be able to see the whole reproductive system and what's going on down there.

So I went in, and the tech was really nice.  What she did was not, though.  I'll leave the details out; I'll just say to the men: be glad you're a man.  You wouldn't be able to handle it.

After she was finished, I was able to leave the office.  The entire process lasted about 30 minutes.  I know that I'll be a bit uncomfortable for the rest of the day.  I have to sit, since I work at computers all day.  The tech told me that I'll receive results in a week.  I'll keep you posted.

Until next time, be blessed.

Prayers of the Righteous

So... I woke up this morning around 3:40, and I got up and washed my face.  While returning to bed, I started thinking about what I went through yesterday.  I went to the doctor because I've been having issues for a while with my reproductive system.  Long story short; I have what is called Polycystic Ovaries Syndrome, or PCOS. If untreated correctly, it could lead up to cervical, uterine, or ovarian cancer; plus, it could leave me without the ability to have children.  I found out about that in 2004, and have been doing pretty well since then.  Unfortunately, things have been a little hay wire lately.  So I went to get checked out.

The doctor decided that I needed a biopsy.  Yep, you read it right.  Without the disgusting details, I laid on my back, and she proceeded with the procedure.  I thought that I experienced pain before with my chronic back spasms.  HONEY!!!  To have a piece of you pulled and prodded and sliced, while conscious and alert... I digress...  After the procedure, I ended up getting blood work done.  I have to go back later today for an ultrasound so they can see what my ovaries look like.

Today, I'm asking for you prayer warriors to go to the throne for me.  For the bible says that the prayers of the righteous availeth much.  I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and I know that if you're reading this then you are too.  I am claiming nothing but victory and healing over myself today, and I need you to do the same.

Until next time... be blessed.

WHERE YOU AT?

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've been blogging.  A lot of things have been happening, so let's get started...

As you know, I officially answered my calling (for the 2nd time, lol) to minister. Since September 2009, I've preached two sermons and I've taken Lay Speaking classes, which is a requisite in the United Methodist Church when getting started.  I'm now certified to preach at my own church, although I've preached twice already.  I'll be preaching again in October.  Anyway, after finishing the classes I met with our district superintendent.  We had a brief chat about discerning what my main ministry would be.  Of course, it would be praise & worship.  After our conversation, I became a candidate for ministry.  That means that I will be training for a few years before I am given the title Reverend of Minister.  Either way, I'm excited about the journey God has in store for me.

I've been working on other people's projects in the studio for a long time.  After a conversation with my friend  while in Kansas City, I decided it was time to work on my own project.  I started writing music, but I am looking for other contributors.  If you know someone who can write really well, let me know. :-)

I did a lot of hanging out and relaxing during the summer.  Gotta say; this was one of the best summers I've had in a long time.  I got reacquainted with friends, found new friends, and developed a deeper relationship with a special friend.  It's crazy though, because I've loved this person for years.  At the same time, there have always been females chasing this guy so I stayed to myself and chilled in the shadows while keeping our friendship intact.  Feelings have been revealed, and I think now I'm afraid.  Of what, you may be asking?  I'm afraid of getting hurt again.  Especially by him.  It's crazy how you can have truly deep feelings for someone for a long time, then when revealed you want to go back into the shadows and stay there; like you've revealed an intimate secret, ya know?

Who knows what the future may bring with this beautiful monster of a relationship.  All I know is this:  I've been in a total of 2 failed relationships.  The first guy cheated on me with two different women.  The other (who I dumped last year) was so worried that I would cheat on him with anyone that walked past me due to his past hurt.  I'm tired of hurting, and I'm also tired of running.  It's time for me to be happy.  This person not only makes me happy, but he makes me want to be better; do better.  I'm ready to love again, but more importantly I'm ready to be loved; loved unconditionally.  I deserve it dangonit!!!

Don't worry; I'll let you know what happens as the saga continues...

Disclaimer: all names have been removed to protect the guilty. :-)

New Business

Hey y'all!  I know it's been a while since i've blogged.  The administration in the district where i work is busy wreaking havoc for the staff and students across the board.  Things are going from bad to worse, and i am ready to leave... now!

In other news... i am glad to announce that i am going back to school in January!  I can't remember being this excited to go back to college.  My sister says it's because i'm really ready this time.  I say it's because i get to pursue a degree that is right for me.  Did you know there's a Bachelor's Degree in Music & Worship Ministry?  I'm starting the program with Jesus 101, then i go into more ministry core classes.  I'M EXCITED!!!

What is Worship?

Tiandra Bland, De-Rance (me) & Craig Towns

I look deep, don't I?  lol  This was taken Monday evening during our national CD release concert at Trinity Mt. Carmel Missionary Baptist Church in St. Louis.  We were singing "No One Like You" that moment.  The song was written by one of our fearless leaders, Chris Watkins.  Chris brought this song to us in late 2008 when we were about to release the FIRST second CD (I felt confused when typing that) titled The Truth.  When we performed it at that CD release concert, everyone wanted to get the disc for that song.  Of course it wasn't on there.  So we recorded the song, repackaged the product, and we now have a SECOND second CD.  (The first CD was released in 2002.)

While looking at this picture, I was wondering if people understood why we worship.  Do you know why it's imperative to worship God?  Of course we praise Him for the things he has done. However, we should worship Him for WHO HE IS.  God is God.  God is omnipresent, meaning He can be with me in STL and with you in China at the same time.  Know anyone who can do that?!?  God is THE creator.  He created heaven, earth, man, sky, clouds, grass, trees, animals, angels... you get my drift.  Sure we are inventors, but God is the ultimate inventor.  Because we are existing, that right there is enough to worship Christ.  Who else could be a father, son, and spirit.  NO ONE ELSE!!!

Ever notice that during worship you see people with their hands in the air?  This is an outward sign of surrender.  Instead of surrendering to a guy with a a firearm, we're surrendering to God, our Father.  We're showing Him, and telling Him, that we want to dedicate our lives to Him.  We want God to use us for His work.  It's not about our agenda, but what His will is for us.  In the Lord's Prayer, it states, ...THY will be done on earth as it is in heaven...  That means the work He has for us, and the reward is incomparable to what we plan to do.  GOD is incomparable! 

Of course after surrendering, we will still have challenges in our everyday lives.  The wonderful thing about it now is this:  we have help.  Ever read the poem "Footprints in the Sand?"  The poem is a conversation between God and man.  The man looks at the footprints and sees at first two sets of prints, then he sees just one set.  He became angry because the one set of footprints is shown during the trying times in his life.  He didn't realize that those were God's footprints.  God carried the man during his tough times.  No matter what happens in our lives - good and bad - we can get through these trials with God on our side.  The best way to keep Him in our lives is through prayer, praise and worship.  So go on, and lift those hands.  Sing your favorite worship song.  Recite your favorite scripture.  Tell God how awesome He is!  If you can't think of what to say, tell Him "There's no one like You!"