Ever had one of those days when you just feel... eh? That's how I've been feeling recently. Not bad, not good. Just 'eh'. I'm getting bored, and I don't like it.
I'm getting bored with my church. I love that there are great changes going on, but I'm not really feeling the music ministry right now. I feel like I'm not growing anymore.
Honestly, I'm getting bored with the other music ministries that I'm a part of. I haven't said anything to anyone, but I'm feeling stuck. There's no growth. I feel like I'm not being used to my fullest capacity. Granted, I know that these are not my groups and I know my place in them. However, I still like there's no room for me to grow anymore.
As one of the music leaders at church, it's my responsibility to help those who are following me, grow and mature in Christ. I thank God that I'm able to do this, but I'm feeling drained and empty. I've been going to Christian Leadership College, and I've been taking these Lay Leader classes as well. Although I would take the classes again, I still feel like I'm missing something. I can't place my finger on it though.
Recently, I officially became a candidate for ordained ministry. I should be excited about this, but I'm not. I'm not sad... just feeling, 'eh'. I'm feeling more of that wonderful quote, "To whom much is given, much is required." I oftentimes wonder if I really have the gifts that others see in me. If I do, then why don't I feel like it? Why am I losing interest in Praise & Worship at my church? More importantly, why do I feel like just giving up on my ministry altogether?
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Revelations...
This past week has been interesting. It started with a conversation with God. He told me to sit down and write everything that ever happened to me while growing up. I ended up writing pages and pages of occurrences, and I started crying because I realized for the first time in a long time how much I have been through. I went through a lot of turmoil before I hit the age 10.
I was wondering, why do you have me going down memory lane? Do you want me to hurt again? Then God revealed to me a specific pattern that I've been going down in my life... pertaining to the opposite sex. I have the tendency of attracting the wrong kind of men... unavailable men. They're unavailable one way or another. There are other problems that relate to my past, but it's too personal.
Near the end of the week and on my 36th birthday, I have realized that my past does not have to predict my future. I have also realized that I am worth more than I think I am. I don't have to sink low to have a man in my life. That man has to come up to my level if he wants to be with me. Psalm 139:14 states, I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How dare we not think highly of ourselves; we're made in God's image! What could be more beautiful than that?!?
Be blessed.
I was wondering, why do you have me going down memory lane? Do you want me to hurt again? Then God revealed to me a specific pattern that I've been going down in my life... pertaining to the opposite sex. I have the tendency of attracting the wrong kind of men... unavailable men. They're unavailable one way or another. There are other problems that relate to my past, but it's too personal.
Near the end of the week and on my 36th birthday, I have realized that my past does not have to predict my future. I have also realized that I am worth more than I think I am. I don't have to sink low to have a man in my life. That man has to come up to my level if he wants to be with me. Psalm 139:14 states, I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. How dare we not think highly of ourselves; we're made in God's image! What could be more beautiful than that?!?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Awesome Sunday
Hey gang.
Sunday was wonderful. We sang "Because of the Blood" Sunday morning at both services. One person led it for the 8:30 service since I had to deliver the sermon. I sang it during the 11:00 service. I did some shoutin' myself. lol I am sooooooo glad that we have a new musician. He brings so much to the service. So refreshing.
After that, I went to my friend Kyle Kelley's church and participated in his FLOW concert. That, ma'am/sir, was an awesome experience! There wasn't a format; it was all about flowing with the Spirit. It lasted about 2 1/2 hours. I felt refreshed again.
I was so tired when everything was over. It was a different kind of tiredness, though. It was one of those "I got things accomplished" kinds. I was excited, happy, and drained at the same time. I felt like God used me; wow! That's it! I became an empty vessel for God. He filled me up, and used me all day to serve His people.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's what it's all about: serving God's kingdom! We need to remember that we are vessels whose purpose is to be continually used by God for building His kingdom. We want to sing songs like "Have Thine Own Way," but do we really mean it? I am glad to answer a resounding YES!!!
What will your answer be? Think about it...
Be blessed.
Sunday was wonderful. We sang "Because of the Blood" Sunday morning at both services. One person led it for the 8:30 service since I had to deliver the sermon. I sang it during the 11:00 service. I did some shoutin' myself. lol I am sooooooo glad that we have a new musician. He brings so much to the service. So refreshing.
After that, I went to my friend Kyle Kelley's church and participated in his FLOW concert. That, ma'am/sir, was an awesome experience! There wasn't a format; it was all about flowing with the Spirit. It lasted about 2 1/2 hours. I felt refreshed again.
I was so tired when everything was over. It was a different kind of tiredness, though. It was one of those "I got things accomplished" kinds. I was excited, happy, and drained at the same time. I felt like God used me; wow! That's it! I became an empty vessel for God. He filled me up, and used me all day to serve His people.
Ladies and gentlemen, that's what it's all about: serving God's kingdom! We need to remember that we are vessels whose purpose is to be continually used by God for building His kingdom. We want to sing songs like "Have Thine Own Way," but do we really mean it? I am glad to answer a resounding YES!!!
What will your answer be? Think about it...
Be blessed.
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