Happy holidays! I pray that your holidays are filled with love, laughter, toys and goodies. My holiday season has been filled with rest... a lot of rest. I did absolutely nothing this week. I am taking a break from packing right now to write to you guys.
I'm going out of town to Nebraska for the last time. There really isn't a reason for me to go up. I thought about cancelling the trip, but it's too late. No refunds, all types of cancellation fees. Therefore, I will go and hang out with the fellas... JUST the fellas.
As the year closes, I have been reflecting on things that happened within these past 12 months. My sister got married, I went through therapy for my self-esteem and daddy issues, and I was invited to move to Atlanta next fall. I was recently asked if I had any regrets. I can't do anything about regrets. I learn from my mistakes, and I do my best to move on. Life is too short to hold on to memories and feelings from past experiences. It's important for us to let go of our past so we can take hold of our future. My future looks bright, and I am seriously looking forward to what may come my way.
Happy New Year, and be blessed.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
I'm Still Alive
Hello world!
It's been a long time since I've blogged about the happenings in my life. There have been some changes. One of the most important changes is that my sister is now a Mrs. She got married last month. The wedding was beautiful, just like she was. The reception was even better. That's all I have to say about that. LOL Seriously, the entire day was gorgeous. The weather was perfect. The bridal party looked lovely; I paid to have the bridesmaids' makeup done except for mine. I did my own face, thank you. The wedding coordinators were awesome; our friends Craig and Toni volunteered their services, and they were fabulous! I was in charge of the music, so I got my MD Will and some other buddies of ours to sing and play. They did an excellent job. Mama was OK, until she gave my sissy away. Then the tears flowed. Once Mama started crying, we all started crying... well, everyone but Cooky. She didn't cry until she heard the scripture from her friend. The ceremony was quick, but nice. We then took pictures in the sanctuary, and I signed the marriage licenses as a witness. We took pictures earlier at a park that wasn't too far from the church. I can't wait to see how they all turned out.
Our family has another wedding coming up... tomorrow! A cousin of mine and her fiance came back to town for their wedding ceremony. I'm doing the maid of honor's makeup, and possibly the bride's. I'm also singing during the ceremony. Not sure when, but I'll find out today.
I am still a candidate for ministry. I recently took a series of psychological tests. It's one of the many things I have to do as a candidate in the United Methodist Church. I guess they want to make sure I'm hearing the voice of God and not just voices. LOL Anyway, I'm glad that it's over with. The first test consisted of 567 true or false questions, and the second test had almost 400 yes, no, or maybe questions. I then had to fill out a thick packet that asked for my information, including my height, weight, car loans, criminal record, what color underwear I like (just kidding), etc. I was writing and filling in circles from 9:00 am to 2:00 pm. No, really. If I wasn't crazy before, I may be now. I know I'm tired of seeing circles and scan tron sheets.
The Praise Team is still going strong. We have a newer member who has a great blending voice. I'm also trying to help them learn more about what it means to be on the team. I talked a little bit about a spiritual gift last night: the spirit of discernment. They seemed to be interested in the topic, so I asked them to search for information about it. We ended with prayer and I gave CD's of new songs for us to learn.
I'm still delivering sermons as well. I've been preaching every 4th Sunday of every month. I'm preaching this Sunday coming up in fact. I think I may be preaching from Psalm 34... I will bless the Lord at all times... We'll see what happens.
Be blessed everyone.
It's been a long time since I've blogged about the happenings in my life. There have been some changes. One of the most important changes is that my sister is now a Mrs. She got married last month. The wedding was beautiful, just like she was. The reception was even better. That's all I have to say about that. LOL Seriously, the entire day was gorgeous. The weather was perfect. The bridal party looked lovely; I paid to have the bridesmaids' makeup done except for mine. I did my own face, thank you. The wedding coordinators were awesome; our friends Craig and Toni volunteered their services, and they were fabulous! I was in charge of the music, so I got my MD Will and some other buddies of ours to sing and play. They did an excellent job. Mama was OK, until she gave my sissy away. Then the tears flowed. Once Mama started crying, we all started crying... well, everyone but Cooky. She didn't cry until she heard the scripture from her friend. The ceremony was quick, but nice. We then took pictures in the sanctuary, and I signed the marriage licenses as a witness. We took pictures earlier at a park that wasn't too far from the church. I can't wait to see how they all turned out.
Our family has another wedding coming up... tomorrow! A cousin of mine and her fiance came back to town for their wedding ceremony. I'm doing the maid of honor's makeup, and possibly the bride's. I'm also singing during the ceremony. Not sure when, but I'll find out today.
I am still a candidate for ministry. I recently took a series of psychological tests. It's one of the many things I have to do as a candidate in the United Methodist Church. I guess they want to make sure I'm hearing the voice of God and not just voices. LOL Anyway, I'm glad that it's over with. The first test consisted of 567 true or false questions, and the second test had almost 400 yes, no, or maybe questions. I then had to fill out a thick packet that asked for my information, including my height, weight, car loans, criminal record, what color underwear I like (just kidding), etc. I was writing and filling in circles from 9:00 am to 2:00 pm. No, really. If I wasn't crazy before, I may be now. I know I'm tired of seeing circles and scan tron sheets.
The Praise Team is still going strong. We have a newer member who has a great blending voice. I'm also trying to help them learn more about what it means to be on the team. I talked a little bit about a spiritual gift last night: the spirit of discernment. They seemed to be interested in the topic, so I asked them to search for information about it. We ended with prayer and I gave CD's of new songs for us to learn.
I'm still delivering sermons as well. I've been preaching every 4th Sunday of every month. I'm preaching this Sunday coming up in fact. I think I may be preaching from Psalm 34... I will bless the Lord at all times... We'll see what happens.
Be blessed everyone.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Insecurity
If you look at my recent picture, you would think I'm doing fine and I don't have too many worries in the world. Honey, I look like that because of MAC and Urban Decay. LOL It's funny how we put on our masks, our makeup to hide the scars and blemishes. Not just the visible ones, but the invisible scars as well. I'm talking about all of the hurt and pain that we deal with on an everyday basis. Every one of us deal with inner demons. It could be anger, sadness, self-degradation, alcoholism, even church hurt. For me, it's a little bit of all of them. My biggest demon is insecurity.
Growing up wasn't all bad, but it definitely wasn't all good. Without giving all the details, I witnessed some events in my life that I shouldn't have. I am also a victim of situations that were way beyond my control. There were times when I received verbal, mental, and emotional abuse from people who claimed to have loved me... my family. I was called fat, ugly, buffalo butt, and even bullied. All of that happened before I went to school. It wasn't too bad until I went to the fourth grade. I was bullied too many times to count by Carlos T. He would make fun of my size, pull my hair, and eventually beat me up on the playground. My teacher, Joyce Buck, didn't do much to prevent it. She later became a principal at the building where I worked. I remember when I fell and fractured my ankle. Buck saw that it was me on the ground, and she kept walking. Two weeks later, she wrote me up for not doing my full cafeteria duty... while I was in a cast!
Going back to elementary days... I transferred before fifth grade, and I was met by more bullies. There were these two guys who made fun of me, and called me... get this... GRACE JONES! First of all, I think Grace Jones is a beautiful woman. Her dark complexion is flawless to me. Second, I'm not even close to the same complexion! I'm much lighter, and I had long ponytails. Because I was a festively plump little girl, these boys decided to call me whatever they thought was not attractive.
The insults didn't stop there. I was also insulted as a kid at church. I can remember this lady... Sharon W. ...tell me, "You sounded really great, but your sister is pretty." Can you imagine being around ten years old, and hearing this from someone you thought was a pretty lady? I have to say that my mother came to my rescue that day. She heard her and said, "Both of my girls are pretty." The damage was already done though.
Hearing things like this from home, school and church can make a little girl feel worthless, sad, depressed, and lonely. You grow up having issues because of what affected you as a child, and the past hurts jeopardize the possibilities of having a happy, healthy relationship with anyone who comes your way. You feel as if you don't deserve their love and affection, and you say anything that you are feeling at that moment.
I have felt so worthless to the point of attempting suicide... three times. The last time was a bit rough. I took a handful of vicodin and prescription naproxen. I should be dead. God had another plan for me instead of death. I woke up after sleeping for almost 24 hours. I became depressed again, but God came to me and told me He wasn't through with me. He then told me to read Psalm 139. After reading the entire Psalm, I realized that if no one - including myself - had loving thoughts about me, God had more than plenty. God knew who I was before I was created, and he had purpose for my life. He still does!
I am still dealing with insecurity and depression everyday of my life. It's hard keeping it at bay when there are still people in my life spewing insults just because. The great thing is that there are more loving people in my life now than there are insulting idiots. They can still sometimes get to me; but because I know who I am and WHOSE I am, it doesn't hurt as much. I'm still feeling insecure when it comes to certain relationships, but I'm working on that. It's an everyday challenge, but I'm willing to take it on in order to gain happiness and joy in my life. You know, that's the thing. For the longest, I didn't think that I deserved to be loved by another person because of who I am, how I look, how I sound, my past mistakes, etc. I deserve to be happy; I deserve to be blessed beyond measure. My Father told me so.
I dedicate this blog entry to James Blaylock, Jr. He loved me the best way he knew how to until death. I miss you Daddy.
Be blessed.
Growing up wasn't all bad, but it definitely wasn't all good. Without giving all the details, I witnessed some events in my life that I shouldn't have. I am also a victim of situations that were way beyond my control. There were times when I received verbal, mental, and emotional abuse from people who claimed to have loved me... my family. I was called fat, ugly, buffalo butt, and even bullied. All of that happened before I went to school. It wasn't too bad until I went to the fourth grade. I was bullied too many times to count by Carlos T. He would make fun of my size, pull my hair, and eventually beat me up on the playground. My teacher, Joyce Buck, didn't do much to prevent it. She later became a principal at the building where I worked. I remember when I fell and fractured my ankle. Buck saw that it was me on the ground, and she kept walking. Two weeks later, she wrote me up for not doing my full cafeteria duty... while I was in a cast!
Going back to elementary days... I transferred before fifth grade, and I was met by more bullies. There were these two guys who made fun of me, and called me... get this... GRACE JONES! First of all, I think Grace Jones is a beautiful woman. Her dark complexion is flawless to me. Second, I'm not even close to the same complexion! I'm much lighter, and I had long ponytails. Because I was a festively plump little girl, these boys decided to call me whatever they thought was not attractive.
The insults didn't stop there. I was also insulted as a kid at church. I can remember this lady... Sharon W. ...tell me, "You sounded really great, but your sister is pretty." Can you imagine being around ten years old, and hearing this from someone you thought was a pretty lady? I have to say that my mother came to my rescue that day. She heard her and said, "Both of my girls are pretty." The damage was already done though.
Hearing things like this from home, school and church can make a little girl feel worthless, sad, depressed, and lonely. You grow up having issues because of what affected you as a child, and the past hurts jeopardize the possibilities of having a happy, healthy relationship with anyone who comes your way. You feel as if you don't deserve their love and affection, and you say anything that you are feeling at that moment.
I have felt so worthless to the point of attempting suicide... three times. The last time was a bit rough. I took a handful of vicodin and prescription naproxen. I should be dead. God had another plan for me instead of death. I woke up after sleeping for almost 24 hours. I became depressed again, but God came to me and told me He wasn't through with me. He then told me to read Psalm 139. After reading the entire Psalm, I realized that if no one - including myself - had loving thoughts about me, God had more than plenty. God knew who I was before I was created, and he had purpose for my life. He still does!
I am still dealing with insecurity and depression everyday of my life. It's hard keeping it at bay when there are still people in my life spewing insults just because. The great thing is that there are more loving people in my life now than there are insulting idiots. They can still sometimes get to me; but because I know who I am and WHOSE I am, it doesn't hurt as much. I'm still feeling insecure when it comes to certain relationships, but I'm working on that. It's an everyday challenge, but I'm willing to take it on in order to gain happiness and joy in my life. You know, that's the thing. For the longest, I didn't think that I deserved to be loved by another person because of who I am, how I look, how I sound, my past mistakes, etc. I deserve to be happy; I deserve to be blessed beyond measure. My Father told me so.
I dedicate this blog entry to James Blaylock, Jr. He loved me the best way he knew how to until death. I miss you Daddy.
Be blessed.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Elevation
Hey gang. I know it's been a couple of months. Things have been happening for your girl. I've preached about three times since blogging the last time. I preached about transformation in February; that went pretty well. The highlight of that day was standing in the pulpit and seeing my daddy's siblings. My uncle and two aunts, along with a cousin of mine, were in the congregation, together, just for me. I was overwhelmed and humbled when I saw their faces looking up to me as I spoke that Sunday.
I then spoke on Good Friday from the words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" as part of the Seven Last Words program at church. God really used me in a big way in less than seven minutes. LOL After preaching, I sang "That Name", and almost fainted afterwards. I was drained! I had to find some energy from somewhere, cause I sang in Cahokia, IL twice. The first time was with my friend Kyle and his wife Jennifer at 2; the second time was with my other church Liberty Community Worship Center @ 8. Can you say long day???
I recently preached again on Third Sunday. I talked about Doubting Thomas, and continuing to believe. That Sunday, my aunt re-joined church. God used me again in a big way. All I could do was cry and hug my auntie.
I have been giving the charge to now deliver the sermon every fourth Sunday of the month starting in June. It's a nerve-wrecking feeling, but I know that it'll will be alright as long as I let God use me.
Tonight I completed my last class of the Christian Leadership College program that's ran by Manchester United Methodist Church. The session ended with a foot-washing ceremony. After reading John 13:1-20, the class leader washed the feet of the table leaders. The table leaders then washed the feet of those who were their table mates. I went to get my feet washed, then I went back to my seat. I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. I felt humbled, and I felt like there was confirmation regarding the jobs God has for me to do. Tears started flowing... tears are flowing again as I type this.
For these past few years, I have been wondering if my preaching had been a mistake. I never felt like it was truly what God wanted me to do. I thought I had it wrong. I knew he wanted me to sing and lead worship, but preaching is a whole new ballgame. You know how you receive all of these clues but you want to use the clues for your good and not His? One of the clues he gave me was through a saying he gave me: You have to step out of your comfort zone in order to be elevated. I spoke that to someone else, not realizing that it was for me. I look back and now realize that it was for those who expect greatness for their lives, but feel comfortable where they are at the same time. That was me... that is me. I have become so complacent with the way things are in my life. From where I live, to where I work, to how I live everyday; I've become too comfortable with mediocrity. There is greatness on my life; God told me so. I can't stay where I am and satisfy God. I have to step out on faith; I have to believe that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
Graduation is in two weeks. I'm going alone, but I know that in reality I will not be. Pray for me that I continue the elevation.
Be blessed.
I then spoke on Good Friday from the words, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" as part of the Seven Last Words program at church. God really used me in a big way in less than seven minutes. LOL After preaching, I sang "That Name", and almost fainted afterwards. I was drained! I had to find some energy from somewhere, cause I sang in Cahokia, IL twice. The first time was with my friend Kyle and his wife Jennifer at 2; the second time was with my other church Liberty Community Worship Center @ 8. Can you say long day???
I recently preached again on Third Sunday. I talked about Doubting Thomas, and continuing to believe. That Sunday, my aunt re-joined church. God used me again in a big way. All I could do was cry and hug my auntie.
I have been giving the charge to now deliver the sermon every fourth Sunday of the month starting in June. It's a nerve-wrecking feeling, but I know that it'll will be alright as long as I let God use me.
Tonight I completed my last class of the Christian Leadership College program that's ran by Manchester United Methodist Church. The session ended with a foot-washing ceremony. After reading John 13:1-20, the class leader washed the feet of the table leaders. The table leaders then washed the feet of those who were their table mates. I went to get my feet washed, then I went back to my seat. I was suddenly overwhelmed with emotions. I felt humbled, and I felt like there was confirmation regarding the jobs God has for me to do. Tears started flowing... tears are flowing again as I type this.
For these past few years, I have been wondering if my preaching had been a mistake. I never felt like it was truly what God wanted me to do. I thought I had it wrong. I knew he wanted me to sing and lead worship, but preaching is a whole new ballgame. You know how you receive all of these clues but you want to use the clues for your good and not His? One of the clues he gave me was through a saying he gave me: You have to step out of your comfort zone in order to be elevated. I spoke that to someone else, not realizing that it was for me. I look back and now realize that it was for those who expect greatness for their lives, but feel comfortable where they are at the same time. That was me... that is me. I have become so complacent with the way things are in my life. From where I live, to where I work, to how I live everyday; I've become too comfortable with mediocrity. There is greatness on my life; God told me so. I can't stay where I am and satisfy God. I have to step out on faith; I have to believe that I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
Graduation is in two weeks. I'm going alone, but I know that in reality I will not be. Pray for me that I continue the elevation.
Be blessed.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Dreamgirls or NWLC???
About a week ago, the Muny in St. Louis held auditions for their summer shows. One of the shows that they are performing is Dreamgirls, starring the one and only Jennifer Holliday as Effie. I was so excited to be a part of the show, so I decided that I would audition. I went to the Muny webpage to check the show dates...July 16-22. Awesome!
I then checked my e-mails, and I received something from worshipleader.com about the National Worship Leader Conference in Leawood, KS. I checked it to see who would be presenting and performing at the conference. Ricardo Sanchez and Israel Houghton are two of the main acts for the conference. SWEET! I am so determined to go this year. To learn from these men of God would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I checked the conference dates... July 16-19. Great... wait a minute!
Being a musician, it would be awesome to share the same stage as Tony and Grammy-Award winning Jennifer Holliday. As a worship leader, it would be beneficial to learn what praise and worship is all about. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????
This is what I was thinking last week. I told people that I was thinking about the audition, but in the back of my mind I was thinking more about how I was going to stay in Kansas for 4 days. I talked to my Mama and sister about the conflict; I even talked to a couple of friends about it. It all came down to these questions: Which one would be more beneficial in the long run? Which one am I first, a singer or a worshipper?
I decided not to audition.
I know, I know. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to perform with such a powerhouse. I had to look at what my life is calling me to do. I have been called to be a praise & worship leader. Not just for my church, but wherever I go. I recently led worship service at a Lutheran church here in St. Louis. That is where God uses me to my capacity... that and pulpit supply, or preaching. I have poured out onto my congregation and my praise team majority of the knowledge that I have, and I need a refill. I can't get it through Dreamgirls. I am so excited for the decision, and I'm more excited for the experiences that I will have at NWLC.
Be blessed.
I then checked my e-mails, and I received something from worshipleader.com about the National Worship Leader Conference in Leawood, KS. I checked it to see who would be presenting and performing at the conference. Ricardo Sanchez and Israel Houghton are two of the main acts for the conference. SWEET! I am so determined to go this year. To learn from these men of God would be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I checked the conference dates... July 16-19. Great... wait a minute!
Being a musician, it would be awesome to share the same stage as Tony and Grammy-Award winning Jennifer Holliday. As a worship leader, it would be beneficial to learn what praise and worship is all about. WHAT SHOULD I DO?????
This is what I was thinking last week. I told people that I was thinking about the audition, but in the back of my mind I was thinking more about how I was going to stay in Kansas for 4 days. I talked to my Mama and sister about the conflict; I even talked to a couple of friends about it. It all came down to these questions: Which one would be more beneficial in the long run? Which one am I first, a singer or a worshipper?
I decided not to audition.
I know, I know. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to perform with such a powerhouse. I had to look at what my life is calling me to do. I have been called to be a praise & worship leader. Not just for my church, but wherever I go. I recently led worship service at a Lutheran church here in St. Louis. That is where God uses me to my capacity... that and pulpit supply, or preaching. I have poured out onto my congregation and my praise team majority of the knowledge that I have, and I need a refill. I can't get it through Dreamgirls. I am so excited for the decision, and I'm more excited for the experiences that I will have at NWLC.
Be blessed.
The Man or the Connection?
So I'm sitting here at school trying to work on my sermon, but my mind has been on other subjects. Particularly, the last person that I became interested in. I will be honest with you: I have been hurting for almost a year regarding my feelings for this guy. I have known him for a long time... over ten years. I considered him to be one of my best friends. I was able to talk to him about everything, including things that I couldn't talk to my mother about. He was always there for me with words of encouragement and chastisement when needed. I knew that I could trust him with my life.
Last year, we started getting closer. We became really comfortable with each other, and started talking more about what was going on in our lives. I talked about why I left my previous relationship, and he started talking more about his. Then in May, it happened. He started flirting. I was at first resistant because I knew that he was just hurting and he needed an outlet. I said nothing, and I did nothing... at least I thought I did. Two months later, we finally revealed our feelings to one another. The only difference was that he developed feelings within a few months. I developed feelings within almost 2 years. Feelings were expressed, and a connection was made. Unfortunately, that connection was not felt the same way. For him, the connection was a possible escape from the problems he was dealing with. For me, the connection was a feeling of euphoria. I have been in relationships before, but I never experienced anything like this.
Time has past, and he is still in his relationship. It hurts like hell. I have been wondering why I could be so foolish to develop feelings for someone who did not feel for me, what I feel for him. Yeah, I still have feelings; can't turn them off like a light switch, although it would be so easy if I could. I hate that we could look in each other's eyes and feel something without saying anything. I hate that this person inspires me to be more and do more than what I'm doing now. I started working on a jazz set list because of him; I even started writing songs because of him. I'm not a songwriter! Yet, I've have written a particular song that I know will bless people. Since I have tried to let go of my feelings, I have lost the will to write, and I'm letting go of singing jazz. I'm doing my best to consume myself with ministry. I've started reading the Word more, listening to my podcasts from Church of the Resurrection, and buying new gospel cd's. Nothing has worked. I tried to go to sleep last night listening to one of my cd's, and I couldn't do it. I started analyzing what I was listening to; the musicality, the instrumentation, everything. That's something that he would do. I couldn't take it, so I turned my music off. I laid in my bed and started praying and crying to God. I prayed that he would take this hurt away. I then wondered if I was going through this because of mistakes that I have made in the past.
My last relationship lasted 4 years. It ended because he didn't have time for me. He worked on his job everyday, and worked on cars almost every night. He invested in Halloween animatronics and old cars more than in our relationship.We grew apart, and our relationship ended after I betrayed him.
You may be asking: why are you telling us all of this De-Rance? Here's the thing. I'm not the only one who has gone through something like this. I'm definitely not going to be the last. Hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes before making their own. I digress...
During the 4-year period, I never felt a true connection. I loved him, but I was never truly in love. I was with him, and I stayed with him because I felt like there was no one else in the world who would want to be with me. He liked holding me. He liked being around me, whenever he made time. I got tired of not having a lot of that time with him, so I looked elsewhere. I broke everything off, knowing what I did. I haven't told him, because it turns out that every woman who has left him has done the same thing. Kind of rough, right?
So then I have this connection with a guy who I've known forever. It's something that I've never tapped into, and it's a feeling that I know I want again. I have started to ask myself, was I in love with the person, or was I in love with the connection? Will I ever experience that type of connection again? I don't have the answers right now. What I do know is this. I keep hearing the word, "Wait." I have heard that word since the beginning of last summer. I've heard it through the Word, when people have preached, and even from Him. During the fall, I was feeling down until I read His Word one night. It was another scripture that told me to wait.
I recently talked to the guy and told him that I was going to stop the frequent phone calls and texts, because it was torture for me. I revealed the way I truly felt. I told him that I was in love with him, and my heart hurts because I knew that he does not feel the same way. He is still a good friend of mine, but a distant friend. I only talk to him about ministry and business stuff. I am concentrating more on what God wants me to do, but it's hard because he was one of the major influences in what I do. I know that I will get through this with God's help.
OK. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I think I can work on my sermon. I'm preaching on what our church recognizes to be Transfiguration Sunday. It's the moment when Jesus is on the mountain, and His glory is revealed as he is joined by Elijah and Moses. The wheels are turning. Gotta go!
Be blessed.
I recently talked to the guy and told him that I was going to stop the frequent phone calls and texts, because it was torture for me. I revealed the way I truly felt. I told him that I was in love with him, and my heart hurts because I knew that he does not feel the same way. He is still a good friend of mine, but a distant friend. I only talk to him about ministry and business stuff. I am concentrating more on what God wants me to do, but it's hard because he was one of the major influences in what I do. I know that I will get through this with God's help.
OK. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I think I can work on my sermon. I'm preaching on what our church recognizes to be Transfiguration Sunday. It's the moment when Jesus is on the mountain, and His glory is revealed as he is joined by Elijah and Moses. The wheels are turning. Gotta go!
Be blessed.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Don't feel bad; they hate me too.
Hey there. I know it's been forever since I've blogged on here. A lot has been going on. Where should I start?
So... I went to visit family and friends in Omaha, NE for New Year's. I had a blast spending time with old and new friends. I realized that I am friends with some of the most talented musicians out there. No, really. These guys travel everywhere to play in concerts and on recordings. They're that talented... oh wait! They've been on some of the same recordings as I... I'm that talented too! lol
Anyway, I sang at two churches while I was there. I sang at Salem Baptist Church for their New Year's Night Watch service. That service was awesome; better than what I thought it would be. Sunday morning, I ended up singing at a cousin's church. The service started at 11, and ended at 2. Being a United Methodist, I ain't used to that anymore. That's right, I typed ain't. I can't really describe the service by typing; you have to hear me in order to get a full glimpse of what happened.
Tuesday morning, I flew from Omaha to Grand Rapids, Michigan to audition for a background singer position with Marvin Sapp. The audition went pretty well. It was for 30 seconds though. Anyway, I flew back to Omaha, and stayed there until Wednesday afternoon.
A few weeks later, I was talking to a friend of mine while preparing for a performance. He was feeling down because of issues at home. Unfortunately, the issues at home were spilling out to other entities in his life. Long story short, my MD had to stop being my MD, and he couldn't play for me anymore for anything. I was hurt, but I somewhat understood that he had to take care of home first. A couple of days later, we had a deep conversation. I found out that there were more issues going on besides the ones at home, and I was one of the issues. Honestly, I was shocked. What really shocked me is that someone whom I have known for over 30 years would assume that I would jeopardize someone else' marriage. I later found out that there were other people talking and assuming the same thing.
I was hurt! I was upset! I was pissed off! Why would people talk about me like this? What did I do to deserve this? I spent a few days talking to my true, best friends about the situation. While talking to one of them, I broke down and started crying because I couldn't believe that people would think so low of me to start talking about me like this. I would never dream of doing something so hurtful and shady to my friend, yet she started to believe it. It started affecting me physically. My back started hurting again; I got really sick Sunday morning before ministering at a visiting church; I couldn't think straight.
I prayed about it, and God answered me through His word. I opened my bible, and ended up at John 15:18 & 19. It states in the New International Version: "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."
I then remembered that whenever something good is about to happen in my life, that is when I have to go through trials. I also remembered that the enemy uses his old tricks, with new people. He usually selects people that you would not ever expect. That way, you can get even more distracted from whatever it is God wants you to do to build His kingdom.
Later on Sunday evening after the Super Bowl, I went onto Facebook and Twitter and changed my status to this:
So... I went to visit family and friends in Omaha, NE for New Year's. I had a blast spending time with old and new friends. I realized that I am friends with some of the most talented musicians out there. No, really. These guys travel everywhere to play in concerts and on recordings. They're that talented... oh wait! They've been on some of the same recordings as I... I'm that talented too! lol
Anyway, I sang at two churches while I was there. I sang at Salem Baptist Church for their New Year's Night Watch service. That service was awesome; better than what I thought it would be. Sunday morning, I ended up singing at a cousin's church. The service started at 11, and ended at 2. Being a United Methodist, I ain't used to that anymore. That's right, I typed ain't. I can't really describe the service by typing; you have to hear me in order to get a full glimpse of what happened.
Tuesday morning, I flew from Omaha to Grand Rapids, Michigan to audition for a background singer position with Marvin Sapp. The audition went pretty well. It was for 30 seconds though. Anyway, I flew back to Omaha, and stayed there until Wednesday afternoon.
A few weeks later, I was talking to a friend of mine while preparing for a performance. He was feeling down because of issues at home. Unfortunately, the issues at home were spilling out to other entities in his life. Long story short, my MD had to stop being my MD, and he couldn't play for me anymore for anything. I was hurt, but I somewhat understood that he had to take care of home first. A couple of days later, we had a deep conversation. I found out that there were more issues going on besides the ones at home, and I was one of the issues. Honestly, I was shocked. What really shocked me is that someone whom I have known for over 30 years would assume that I would jeopardize someone else' marriage. I later found out that there were other people talking and assuming the same thing.
I was hurt! I was upset! I was pissed off! Why would people talk about me like this? What did I do to deserve this? I spent a few days talking to my true, best friends about the situation. While talking to one of them, I broke down and started crying because I couldn't believe that people would think so low of me to start talking about me like this. I would never dream of doing something so hurtful and shady to my friend, yet she started to believe it. It started affecting me physically. My back started hurting again; I got really sick Sunday morning before ministering at a visiting church; I couldn't think straight.
I prayed about it, and God answered me through His word. I opened my bible, and ended up at John 15:18 & 19. It states in the New International Version: "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."
I then remembered that whenever something good is about to happen in my life, that is when I have to go through trials. I also remembered that the enemy uses his old tricks, with new people. He usually selects people that you would not ever expect. That way, you can get even more distracted from whatever it is God wants you to do to build His kingdom.
Later on Sunday evening after the Super Bowl, I went onto Facebook and Twitter and changed my status to this:
To the haters, naysayers, and others that want to spread lies about me... you're only making me stronger. Thanks. :-)
I'm not going to let the enemy and/or his village idiots distract me from the prize that God has for me. I've come too far, and I have a lot more work to do. I believe that as long as I keep myself prayed up... and my true prayer warriors keep praying for me... then the enemy's weapons will not prosper.
I'll write again soon. I promise. :-)
Be blessed.
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